2:28 PM
My life is an endless chill zone rn. I had a bit of trouble waking up this morning, I remember waking up at like 8, and fell back asleep until I got up at like 11. I got myself Frosted Mini-Wheats which I love for me. God I love them so much. I emptied the box. I worked out and showered and got yelled at by dogs outside. The dogs are trump supporters, or at least their owners are. I've been struggling with some social anxiety all day... but not like, fear like it usually is, not that I usually get it. It feels like a big wall between me and talking to other people, which I somehow broke through but it was super weird. I want to eat meat. I've been watching videos on the Analogue Pocket for no real reason. I watched videos about it yesterday, and I haven't really learned anything new about it. I like to have something on in the background, though. I listened to this beautiful Alice Coltrane album earlier, called Eternity I think. Short and sweet and savory.
2:40 PM, Don't read this part it's really scary and explicit
Jontron has damaged society irreparably. I feel like at this point I want him to do even more damage. I want him to upload omorashi videos on his Twitter. That's like the only thing in my mind that could change the world.
It feels really good though, not having actually seen him in quite a while. I haven't seen him on Twitter, or YouTube, or anywhere. I was reminded of him because of that clip of him yelling "WHAT!" and... I just kept going down the mind tunnel of everything I remember about him. What if the world was made of pudding?
2:49 PM
I'm thinking about Kurt Vonnegut and his value in the literary world. It is so hard for me to not call him a brilliant writer. His dark humor and play with the English vocabulary, but what about his racism? What separates him from black writers around the whole world who use dark humor effectively, play with English words like toys in the same way Vonnegut did? What of escritores latinos and what they can do with Spanish and Portuguese and English? How important is Vonnegut that one of his words ends up in the English release of Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, a game filled with words created by Tolkien, an equally praised and bigoted man? I'm really just thinking out loud at here. I want to read more. I love my library card. I love my Libby app. Where I live, the digital libraries available to me are very diverse when it comes to the authors they show off. I really need to keep diving into that section of eBooks. I've read endlessly beautiful things that way.
2:59 PM
I want to see a beautiful movie soon. April and I plan on watching Pom Poko finally as well as a movie called The Amazing Colossal Man released in 1957. Speaking of Pom Poko, I feel really weird honestly talking about Ghibli movies. Growing up, I had people talk about Ghibli movies like they were the Mona Lisa and Zelda and my sexy Seattle art museum. These movies were like Adventure Time for 90s kids. I get to watching them though, when I was 12, and really they were good movies. I have no nostalgic attachment to them. They are incredibly enjoyable to watch though, even the grimmest and most serious ones, like Grave of Fireflies. That movie is so beautiful, and one of the last movies I ever watched that has made me cry. The only other one I can remember is Evangelion 2.22... Also one of those sad dog movies where the dog dies at the end, but I watched that when I was like 9. All I remember is it wasn't Marley and Me. I remember not remembering it even the morning after. I think I stayed up so late my body was awake longer than my mind. I had the most physical reaction any dead body would have to a sad dog movie. I bawled my eyes out with my brain off.
This reminds me of the time I was incredibly sick April of this year. I remember dreaming of an action puzzle game like Tetris or Puyo or Puzzle League, but everything was themed after Berserk's Golden Age arc, which I had been reading through at the time. Miura wasn't even dead yet. The thing was, while I was dreaming that, my physical body, which I couldn't see, was blowing my nose like some implicit memory type shit. I know for a fact this was happening because I woke up to my cat staring at a gigantic mound of tissues in and around my trash can next to my bed. She was so confused.
Anyway, Ghibli movies are generally very good. People praise Miyazaki even though he isn't the union king that people think he is, it feels like nobody talks about Isao Takahata in the same way and frequency as they do with Miyazaki, when their movies are on the same level of excellency. I guess this isn't my problem, though. I think all the time about Mario being a small guy with incredibly efficient, toned muscles. He has no body fat, but he does. He is like an endurance runner, he loves pasta, he carbo-loads before every game, and sustains himself on mushrooms and all sorts of flowers. I don't even know the dietary information on mushrooms. The man runs on fiber, though, and hats, and rocks, and stars.
3:09 PM
I love music. I'm sick and tired of Jerma's face and voice. I always go through phases like this where after watching him extensively, I get fed up with him. There's nothing really wrong with him, I am just so tired of him. YouTube keeps trying to spoon-feed him to me like he's Gerber's. I'm sick of these math videos I've been watching too. I love you Mathologer and blackpenredpen, but if I keep watching your videos I will grow a thick and hard crust around my whole body. I need something brand new.
Numbers are freaking me the fuck out right now. I had just recently learned about the book 2666 released in 2005... I think. One year after the author's death, I know that much. The thing is, I subscribed recently to some music channels I've been enjoying. One of them was called "2666 - The Art Of Listening" This freaked me out because I had just recently watched a set of movies called "666 - (Beware, The End Is At Hand) 1 and 2. You can see how this is fucking my brain up. I need to check out of reality right now.
3:19 PM
I am so hungry by the way. I want Chinese takeout. Really, I want some authentic Chinese cuisine from any place in China, entirely because of the YouTube channel Chinese Cooking Demystified.I have no idea where any Chinese markets would be near me, and I haven't cooked in years. I suppose I'm fine with some beautiful Chinese-American food. They help me so much. There is a Hawaiian BBQ place near me that also makes Chinese cuisine and... I love it. I want to eat it up soooo bad. Please? I shouldn't have clicked on this video when I was already hungry.
3:37 PM
I need to go on a Super Mario 64 Rom Hack Field Trip. I need to play them all and have so much fun. I'm on the verge of tears rn. I wanna go to chocolate castle from Mario's dreams.
7:49 PM
*crushes McDonalds cup in an emo transfem way*
9:18 PM
The anxiety has been gripping me for the past couple hours. I've been dealing with it by hugging my Dragon Quest Slime plush I fished out of my closet earlier today. It's very nice to me. YouTube won't stop recommending me Jerma clips. I just keep watching them like it's McDonald's food. Like he's funny but I want somebody else.
9:25
I'm watching a Bloodborne speedrun now. I think I should touch my coin. I'll wait until I take my medicine in a few minutes.
9:31 PM
Medicine taken so I can touch my coin all I want. I feel like I need to pee first though.